Relationship Status: In Grad School (and not a miserable cow)

Once upon a time, a sixteen-year-old girl was unanimously predicted to be the first out of her senior class to get married.

That sixteen-year-old girl was me.

We weren’t going to have senior superlatives in the yearbook, so we sat around and made them up for fun. Looking back, I can understand why my classmates predicted an early marriage for me. I was more than a little boy crazy at sixteen, and I planned to major in voice performance–a major that is often viewed as the fast track to an M.R.S. But I knew even then that they were wrong. I couldn’t have predicted why, but I just knew. And I wanted them to be wrong, even though I couldn’t have explained that either.

Well, no matter what happens at this point, they were all wrong. One of the guys from my graduating class got married a week or two ago, so he became the first to get married. And there’s at least one other person who is engaged. Maybe more. There’s a new engagement in my Facebook feed every day, and I’m starting to lose track of who’s engaged to whom.

The fact is, I can sit here and speculate about why I’m single. Or I could just accept the fact that God’s plan is perfect. The second option sounds better to me.

It sounds so clichéd, doesn’t it? Especially if you’re not content with your relationship status. Especially if you’re lonely. Thanks for the Sunday school answer, Mikayla. That was totally helpful. Ok, bye. *Sarcasm*

I’ve had a few relationships. I’ve been single. And I’ll be the first to admit that I haven’t always been content with my relationship status.

It’s nice to be admired. It’s nice to have a companion–someone to spend time with and talk to. It’s nice to automatically have a date to whatever shenanigans are going on. It’s nice to get flowers every once in a while and sappy cards on Valentine’s Day. It’s nice to have someone getting you coffee–or someone to make coffee for. It’s nice to be a team–to believe in someone’s abilities and have them believe in yours.

Then again, the going gets rough. It’s not all pretty sunsets and butterflies in the stomach. The fights start. You start to see a person’s true character. You get disappointed in that person. That person gets disappointed in you. These things are just part of life. People are not perfect. People are messy. And sometimes, it’s heartbreaking.

You know what, though? Life is actually going pretty well right now. I’m happy.

I didn’t go to college for my M.R.S. I went to get a degree. I went because God gave me a brain and I need to use it. I went so that I would be able to support myself. Because ten years from now, I could still be on my own. Or married. Or married with kids. And no matter what my life looks like in ten years, I want to have the ability to do what it takes to pay the bills.

I’m not in grad school because I didn’t find a man during undergrad. I’m in grad school because I like learning. I actually, genuinely love school. I’m in grad school because it seemed like the next step to a decent career path. I’m in grad school because the opportunity presented itself and I wanted to take advantage of it. Actually, I’m in grad school because I felt God clearly moving me in this direction.

When I showed up at BJU as a freshman, I immediately noticed something about the GA girls. If they weren’t dating someone, they were miserable cows, and they made life difficult for everyone around them. Then, if they got boyfriends, they would turn into the sweetest, most fun, most easy-going people I had ever met. It was like a personality transplant happened when their relationship status changed. It bothered me more than a little.

I determined then and there that no matter what happened in my love life, I would not turn into a miserable cow about it. And friends, if you ever sense that I am turning into a miserable cow, please tell me so. After all, I just turned 21. I’m hardly an old maid.

Of course I want to get married and start a family! Someday. With the right person. In God’s timing. I’m not ashamed of wanting it. But that desire isn’t the desire which consumes my life.

I’m working on desiring to know and love God–to grow more like Him. I want desiring God to consume my life.  And now seems like a pretty good time to work on that–not just so that I can find a husband, but because I genuinely want to know my Savior.

Life is going pretty well right now. God is good all the time. I have no reason to be a miserable cow.





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